Apple Recon Recon Lite Rumors, Allegations & ... e-mail
This is a "story" we had hoped would be unnecessary to write, but reactions in the Mac Community, General Tech Sector, and media have made it necessary to do so. We tried to approach the "facts" with "humorous allegory" instead of doing some "dry analysis". For those of you wanting the "Dry As Dust" Analysis, we'll consider writing it if you want it. The context remains true, no matter what....
Many in the Mac Community believe that a port of Rhapsody's "Yellow Box" (Rhapsody "native apps") and "Red Box"/"MacTel" (Rhapsody WinXX compatible) is best likened to "Sleeping With The Enemy". But, those factions have it exactly 180 degrees backwards. It's not the Mac Community that will be "Sleeping With The Enemy" (although I'm pretty certain that none of them would kick Julia Roberts out of their bed is she were discovered between their sheets) but the other way around. WinWorld is stuck with "Roseanne" while lusting after "Julia Roberts".
"MacTel" Rhapsody could be likened to the irresistible temptress that Ms. Roberts is, seducing the current crop of WinWorld users fed up and frustrated with pretty much the same issues since DOS was first foisted upon them. Win3.1 might have been "Roseanne", but it wasn't Julia Roberts. Win95 promised to be Julia Roberts, but "Roseanne" dressed up to look like Julia Roberts wasn't the same thing. WinNT is promised to be better than Julia Roberts but it looks and acts like "Roseanne" after 2 weeks on a "Gut Buster" program. No matter what they say, "Roseanne ain't Julia Roberts".
All these years, and WinWorld users have been relegated to being stuck with "Roseanne" while lusting after Julia Roberts. "If only Roseanne could become Julia Roberts..." And while "Roseanne's Momma" has been trying to make her "just like or better than Julia Roberts", the results have been failures.
So, WinWorld users have been stuck in a "Shotgun Marriage" with "Roseanne", and even "flings with Roseanne's better looking sister" (OS/2) couldn't save them from the iron grip of "Roseanne's Momma". They were still stuck in a loveless shotgun marriage.
However, all this will change with the MacTel port of Rhapsody. Suddenly, Julia Roberts is giving them a "come hither look" and flirting with them. While Julia might not be willing to marry them on the X86 platform, she'll at least become familiar enough with them to seduce them and tempt them to leave "Roseanne" in the lurch as they launch themselves into an adulterous embrace that is definitely not "Roseanne". Even if they can't have all of Julia on X86, they'll take what they can get until they feel they're both ready enough for a long term cross-platform commitment. They can "date" on X86 until they become so entranced by Julia's charms that they take the plunge and move in together on PPC/PPCP. Especially PPCP because Julia will let them bring what's left in what will most surely be a "messy divorce".
Yet, "Roseanne" and her family won't take this adultery lying down. While "Roseanne's" stepfather, "Poppa Grove", understands the adultery, "Momma Microsoft" will be livid with the adulterous affair. "Poppa Grove" will take the "Que Sera, Sera" attitude but Momma will put her full weight on all "the relations" to make certain that the adulterer and his "trollop" isn't welcomed in any of their homes. Momma will issue the edict: "Where Roseanne is Welcome, That Tramp Shall Not Enter..."
At first, Momma's intimidation will cow a lot of "the relations" into complying with the edict until "Julia's Relations" not only welcome the adulterous couple with open arms, but build them "homes" (Mac Cloners Building X86 MacTel Boxes) to continue their adulterous affair without intimidation or interference from Momma.
Julia's relations will snicker because they know that Momma's intimidation will only work as long as Momma's relations aren't sure whether the adulterous affair will result in a long term commitment and a divorce from "Roseanne". And, they also know that "Judge Justice" will intervene if "Momma's Relations" complain about Momma's heavy-handed tactics.
And, they also realize that sooner or later some of Momma's relations will break, even if only partially, once the adulterous couple's affair starts eating into their livelihood.
Only after "Momma's relations" see that the affair is inevitable will they look for ways to get around Momma's edict. The first to do so will more than likely be those who can skirt the edict by making the adulterous couple a "custom built home to order" that isn't affected by Momma's edict. Since the adulterer is asking them to build a home to have the adulterous affair with "Julia", who are they to object? If they don't do it, someone else surely will. It's not like they can stop the adulterous pair, can they? And Julia's parents and relations are already giving the pair any number of places to carry on.
"Momma's relations" will be none too gently reminded of the "prenuptial agreement's contractual provisions", and the relations will kindly remind Momma that the homes they are building aren't being built for "Roseanne" but "Julia". Momma will then attempt to figure out other ways to stop the adulterers and their willing accomplices. But the relations are also at the point where they are ready to complain to "Judge Justice" if Momma pushes too far or hard.
"Momma" will surely appeal to "Poppa Grove" to stop both the adulterers and their cohorts, but Poppa will remind Momma that his uncles and distant relations (Uncle Cyrix, Cousin AMD, etc.) will be more than happy to provide sanctuary for the couple if Poppa decides to bring his influence to bear on the Rogue Relations. And Poppa will also remind Momma that he doesn't want to get involved in the mess she's already in with "Judge Justice".
After "Poppa Grove" refuses to cooperate in denying the adulterers places to carry on their affairs, Momma will send Roseanne to a "Health Spa" in an effort to not only do a "total makeover" on "Roseanne", but force the adulterer back to his arranged marriage. However, by that time the adulterer and his cohorts will have enough places for sanctuary that Poppa Grove will ask Momma what in the heck she is doing. And, he'll remind Momma that "Judge Justice" is watching every move she makes. He reminds her of the "No Fault Divorce Laws" that are the law of the land.
When Momma tells Poppa that he wasn't much help in keeping the marriage together, Poppa will remind Momma of "Roseanne's" fling with Julia's relations, including even letting "Roseanne" move into their home for a while before Momma realized the mistake that the threat to the marriage the fling posed. Sure, Momma made "Roseanne" come home, before the marriage was broken, but "what's sauce for the goose...."
Oh what a mess this will all be. And we can blame it all on that temptress Julia Roberts crooking her finger at WinWorld users once MacTel boxes are on the market. Momma already sees Julia getting all gussied up in her finest after hearing Julia's Daddy bragging on how Julia will be able to seduce WinWorld away from Roseanne, and she's already livid and preparing to issue edicts left, right and in between. But, a lot of "Momma's relations" have been fed up with Momma's heavy handed tactics for quite some time and won't be easily cowed by her blustering. In fact, they know Momma can only push so far lest she anger "Judge Justice" to force Momma to back off.
Julia and her relations/friends, Momma's "Renegade Relations", and possibly even "Poppa Grove", might come to the conclusion that "Momma" has "lost it" and appeal to "Judge Justice" to schedule a "Competency/Sanity Hearing" in Judge Justice's Court. Judge Justice already has a less than favorable opinion of Momma, and her actions regarding the adulterous affair of WinWorld with Julia will more than likely make Judge Justice to come to unfavorable conclusions regarding Momma's actions and behavior regarding Julia.
In effect, Judge Justice will tell Momma what "Poppa Grove" tried to tell her at the outset: "Que Sera, Sera", and stop Momma from interfering in what will most likely be a messy divorce, lest Judge Justice toss Momma in jail for contempt of court. Whether Momma capitulates will remain to be seen.
Bottom Line? All of the above hinges on whether Julia is able to get all gussied up in time to cast her "come hither look" to WinWorld in time, as well as delivering the goods as promised. If Julia's parents and relations make her miss the party and the opportunity to seduce WinWorld, that their fault. And, none of this will ever come to pass. However, whether "Sleeping With The Enemy" comes to pass or not will be seen sometime in the "NeXT" year or so. Last we heard, Julia's parents are not only buying her an entirely new outfit and getting her gussied up to knock WinWorld's socks off, but they also want to make darn sure she's at the party early if not exactly on time....
Sounds like a "Soap Opera" plot, doesn't it? Nope. It's a "Silicon Opera"....
Apple Recon Recon Lite Rumors, Allegations & ... e-mail